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Missy
3 days ago
Bi-curious Female, 59
Straight Male, 59
0 miles · Southampton

Forum

Proper belly laughs, where you can't breath, snots coming out your nose and you're just about to pee your pants...
Very very rare it happens - but by eck, when it does it's a memory for life
You can pay hundreds or thousands of pounds for "something of a lifetime", yet other moments, you remember just as fondly are the free ones........ the belly laughs
Like when me and my mate were at the ice-cream place, the spoons were really deep for spoons. I had taken the first mouthful, so was waiting for her to use a spoon to see if she also thought it was deep.....
It was as her top lip disappeared into the deep spoon, before she even said anything, that I was in pieces rotflmao
By the time she had chance to retract said top lip and mention how awkward the spoons were, I was roaring, holding my stomach, snots, snorts the lot, absolutely in bits I was lol
It isn't even that funny, someones top lip goes in a spoon, and said pretty friend turns into a peck face! .......... but I was out of control with laughter, I was utterly helpless, made worse by the fact she wasn't sure what I was laughing at! :rotflmao: I'm sat here now in tears writing it - it was the funniest thing, like, ever!!! :rotflmao:
So, crappy unfunny things make me laugh :lol2: People make me laugh, characters make me laugh ..... but that hard uncontrolable belly laugh, it's so rare, I couldn't tell you what sets it off, it just kinda happens at stupid moments confused Normally when noone else is laughing :shock: Then you try not to do belly laughs, that just build up and get even worse!! :rotflmao:
Quote by gagmaster
i had invited friends around 4 ameal .got home late and ran out of time so i was rushing around still no reason 4 me to loss my head,i went down to tesco got all the food as i thought got home then jumped into the shower just as the first spit of water touched the tip of my head the door bell went. yes they were early wraped a towel arond me and open the door and invited them sorry and i wont be long gave then both a drink and ran upstairs to finsh my shower . as i was in the shower it dawn on that i had forgot somthing. yes you wont belive it oil . the whole house was a oil free zone not even old cooking oil with bits in it from a chip fryer i could feel the sweat build up and the panic setting in . what should i do leave my guest again nooooooo. that would be bad manners so thinking on my feet i went to the bathroom cabinet and ther it was like aa knight in shining armour witha blue badge. yes VASELINE .could it work only one way to find out. got dressed and took the vaseline down with me .went into the kitchen chucked a pan on the heat and scooped the vaseline out and watch it melt well it looked like oil so i cooked with it .i must say it does look the same shame it doesnt taste the same and i ddint find this out till my guest started to eat i could see by the look on there face's things was not quiet right . and quess what when i tucked in all you could taste was a Culinaire nightmare. so heres my tip for all you young jamie olivers if your running late and dont have any oil to cook with use anything but vaseline as this just dont cut the mustard

rotflmao :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
This reminds me of my mate who was cooking curry, as the recipe instructed, she didn't have any plain yoghurt - but thought strawberry fromage frais would do just as well!
That was about 10 years ago, still giggle about it now!!!
Quote by willxx69
^^^^^^^ What she said!! ^^^^^^^
It's never nice to be traduced, but the best thing is to rise above it.
Will kiss

What he said (would do them cute arrows, but a) I can't find em on the keyboard, and b) it's too dark to look!
You obviously mean more to them than they do you - let them get all stewed up, yabber on about crap, let it work itself out .......... while you, have worded things beautufully
"a week or so later you know what the more I think about it the less important it seems."
They seem to be spending quite a bit of life thinking about you .......... whereas you have just carried on as per normal, hopefully not been affected, still tickety boo .... what better revenge can you get? lol
Quote by BIoke
i could be for all intensive purposes.
its sport BIoke, a hetro man's thing. you wouldnt understand... ;-)

Rugby!?
Oh and if you're hetero, so am I sweet cheeks lol
rotflmao :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Quote by willxx69
Sort of brown and stripey, with frayed edges.

What did Sarge look like after a session with Sappho and chocolate!!!
Answer:
A bit burnt, but otherwise ok
Quote by willxx69
Next Tuesday

It's been nine hours already, I'm getting worn out, when are you gonna cum Will darling?
Answer:
But the critics hated it!!
Quote by TheLovelyOne
4 large ones

So you went out last night for a little drink, then what did you have?
Answer:
It's got to be Minstrels
Quote by kentswingers777
I am not against the death penalty.
I also have spent / do spend a great deal of time, energy and effort with offenders in attempting to get them to a better place in their lives. I can therefore understand where some people are coming from in writing to inmates who have found themselves in current circumstances through the chances (or lack of them)life has thrown at them.
I cant understand however people writing to serious serial offenders who have committed calculating crimes against others on more than one occasion. The likes of Ted Bundy, Ed Gein, Dennis Nielsen, Peter Sutcliffe, IMO, are or have been guilty of the theft of oxygen long after their crimes. There are many, many more out there.

Above :thumbup:
There are offenders and then dam right evil scum that deserve exactly what they get and should do in this country to in my opinion. Forget naming Americans who the hell wants to write to people like Tracey Connelly Jason Owen and Steven Barker? Who cares what life is like in prison for them or their motives. I severely hope their days are never brightened and they die a slow and painful death. Death row inmates have probably committed crimes just as evil, maybe a few haven't. I do believe I can find a lot more valuable things to do with my time than brighten up the days of people who have devoted so many of theirs to making other peoples lives a living hell.
A double :thumbup::thumbup:
Make that a triple :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:
These people have committed hideous crimes, most of which were not spur of the moment lost of control that went wrong crimes, but planned, or prolonged.
Personally I don't think this sort of barbaric criminal can enter rehabilitation programs that would work to the point of their release - and even if they did and they magically got rehabilitated, it still doesn't bring back the victims, nor does it help the victims family even begin to get over such a thing. They still done the crime, they still killed, you cant erase that, and they should be responsible for their actions, take the consequenses etc.
I just can't get my head round the fact that people write to these monsters. I can understand a curiosity about them, I can understand the fascination of what lifes like in high security prison. But I just can't understand these women that 'fall in love' :shock: What do they fall in love with, which part of these freaks do they find lovable. Are they really that barmy that they think they're the only person that can save the criminal from themselves, change them, rehabilitate them just through love - what a load of codswallop!
Nope, if I was gonna pay the money for paper, ink and a stamp, I can think of far better places to use it.
Quote by
A billy can.

Is it right that the goats Gruff can't cross the bridge??
Answer:
I ended up covered in flour
Your sponsored hill climb in Holland, how did it go? What were the hills like?
Answer: Two bottle caps, a toilet roll and some double sided sellotape.
Quote by the_Laird
I'm surprised St3v3 that there is no charge for club listings, surely that's advertising revenue that's being lost.
A club gets to advertise for free on a site that many members have to pay for and those same members have to pay a not inconsiderable price to attend their advertised events?
Win / win for clubs for sure bearing in mind the membership numbers at SH and possible audience for adverts.
Just an observation, not a criticism.

But the good thing about free club listings are the reviews, which I'm sure, first time clubbers/curious people, rely heavily upon.
If clubs had to pay to be on the listing, then they'll start demanding that bad reviews are removed, due to the fact they're paying for the privilage (sp?) of being slagged off.
By the same token, would a private party, that's doing it for revenue, be up for honest reviews. How would they take the bad ones, would they demand the bad reviews be taken down, or would they take it on board and work with what's been said.
Personally, I think that there are too many private parties that are free, to warrant anyone paying £££'s to attend - unless they're only charging the poor buggers the single males???
I don't know, I just got back from the pub, and far too chuffed I done this with no typos!!!!!
And I do know that I love the Laird, and whatever he says is very right!! passionkiss
Even tho I disagreed???????? :confused: Did I just disagree, or did I just agree with Lairdy in a roundabout way but with loads more words......... can't remember what the bluddy ell he said now, was ages ago, been concentrating on typing this lot right to remember anything!!!
kiss
Quote by corrie
Missy because too long since I have seen her.

Oh Corrie - you have no idea how chuffed I am with that passionkiss I was gonna add you to my list, but thought, no too predictable I'm far too Corrie orientated cos talk about you often, first person I met blah blah blah
But I would love nothing more than one big catch up with you, oooooh bluddy ell, and Bernie and Bassman, and H&H, bluddy ell, we soooooooo need a get together!!!!!!!! :bounce:
Even a micro munch somewhere, anywhere, I don't care!!!!!! :bounce:
Quote by
An arrow.

What sort of escape did you have??
Answer:
The passengers will vouch for me
1) Deffo B1oke, cos I think we would yap well into the night - importantly, to make sure he's keeping my car safe until I can afford the five million quid to buy it off him. Also to explain that after hearing my father was "busy boning the chicken", I was straight on the phone, only to be told that 44 years old was a tad too old to be ringing Childline confused
2) Chooon cos he knows everything about me, warts n all, one person I'm soooo comfortable with whatever I look like, however I'm feeling etc, just love him xxx
3) Ben_welshminx - cos I've known him ever since I got a computer back in the 90's - when we both got 56k dialup and were whizzy! Still never met him, and would just love to.
3) Bonediggers, cos she's just hilarious - don't think there would be many silent moments with her about.
4) Lost - cos I wanna hear his wording for an oil party :twisted:
Or if we're atop a cliff and Villain X suddenly grabbed me and went
"Woooh scared ya!" :twisted:
I would be in a complete faint before he could say "only joking!"
If Villain X started licking his cardigan that would be me finished
Mum answered the phone and said I couldn't speak to dad cos he was "busy boning the chicken" :shock:
Christmas time my dad does the whole partridge inside a chicken inside a duck inside a turkey thing, bluddy lovely it is, but they really need to sort their wording out confused :? :?
White eyebrows :scared:
Oh my parents were brilliant, my childhood was idyllic, very open family. I remember being sat down and told about the birds and the bees. :happy:
Followed by the period chat a couple of years later. confused
Followed by the "I know we told you about the birds and the bees, but don't you bluddy start that malarky young lady!" chat loon
Then that was it, I moved out, got married, done the birds n bees, had kids etc
But not once :?
Not one single time :dry:
Never ever ever evil
Did they mention white bluddy eyebrows :shock:
One I could pluck out, easy a rogue freak eyebrow
Now there's bluddy loads of em :shock:
It's not like I was sat down for the white eyebrow chat, so I could digest it, get used to it, and expect it to happen dunno
Nope - just a shoal of white eyebrows over my eyes one day there was :evil:
Not a happy bunny .......... the only person who embraces their white eyebrows is the very very old Father Christmas :undecided:
rotflmao :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
You crack me up Varca you daft bat :rotflmao:
passionkiss
Quote by Ben_welshminx
LOL missy hiya. Ever since the oil party thread I have been asking around at clubs. I will let you know if I am successful but expect a guaranteed invite in return. I am grateful for the Izal. Its the little considerations that make a difference.:bounce::happy:

Ben if I ever get to meet you,there's a bunch of snogs in me with your name on, whether you want em or not, I'm afraid they're gonna burst out!! :bounce: passionkiss Ooooh I do hope you find a club, don't care where, I just so would love to experience that!
Staggerlee ya nasty sod rotflmao :rotflmao: smackbottom
Quote by Ben_welshminx
If anybody needs me you will find me in the fuckwit corner. I dont think Im a fuckwit but who could resist BD and Missy?
Ladies you cant miss me I will be carrying a paddling pool and a 40 gallon drum of scented oil.

rotflmao :rotflmao: :rotflmao: Ben I love you :rotflmao: kiss
I'm clutching my Izal so you won't even have to use manners Ben :rascal:
(for anyone wondering the 'clique' joke, its just that Bens idea of good manners is to not to mention the little ball of loo roll when giving oral :shock: )
Now, get that pool filled up - I'm a commin!! :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:
Quote by Thebonediggers
I thank you for showing me for the complete and utter fuckwit I so clearly am....I had better get on and research something deemed clever enough to appear on the forum......

Wait for me BD
Quote by Thebonediggers
'where do you think most people find employment?'

Tescos was my first answer, cos they always have loads of jobs!! :idea:
Wasn't gonna say anything lol cos feel a bit of a narna - but hell, if you're going to the fuckwit corner, you better let me follow you, or I'll never even bluudy find the place blink
And no, I wouldn't of said networking either! confused
Quote by jdwxxx
I'm so awesome that I have to use self deprecation as a tactic to put other people at ease around me

rotflmao :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
The word 'awesome' tickles me pink when it's used in the right context, chuckling away here lol
I had to go check the thread title again, cos reading it's a shit thread or something like that - had to make sure I'm not posting on self defication! :shock:
Self depreciation - I love it in people when it's done in a mocking way, rather than moaning cos lifes unfair that they're not made in perfect textbook style.
But there again, I don't like it when someone is constantly joking about themselves, it can get uncomfortable - plus when someone has no other conversation other than themselves, it get a tad boring confused
A little bit of self mockery is sweet, sometimes fun, and does put me at ease. Maybe I like it cos I do take the mickey out of myself a lot, so we can do it together and have a bit of a larf about our 'quirks'.
Missy
Very wobbly body, but you should see my new eyeshadow! :bounce:
Quote by __random_orbit__
I've just seen that I can talk to myself in it.
It's a living nightmare!
lp

rotflmao :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Quote by Calista
Both Morbius and I deliberated putting a note out as we aren't regulars here any longer, we withdrew from the "scene" a while back but we do have some wonderful memories and friends here, and some will know of our situation.
Back in 2004 our daughter was diagnosed with a rare form of leukaemia and we received such support here at the time. She relapsed in 2007 and received a bone marrow transplant but it is our sad news to say that she relapsed last month and passed away yesterday.
She was a very strong young lady and battled the disease until the very end, such courage and dignity in a 14 year old and a beautiful child who retained a smile even through the toughest days.
We want to pass on our thanks to everyone who has wished us well or supported us over the last 5½ years.
Love to you all
Calista & Morbius
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm glad you did post this up Cali - I've often wondered how she was getting on, she put up such a fight in 2007 and won through, I kinda presumed she was still ok ........ gutted that she didn't pull through this time, gutted for you all. Heaven has one strong young lady up there - a fighter like that doesn't just die, her spirit her uniqueness is still very much alive....... probably giving a few people what for at the moment! She's around you, out of suffering, but very much still in spirit, with the same love as ever.
Thank you for letting us know, it really is appreciated, you're such lovely people and its really thoughtful of you do get this news to us. If you need anything, even just an ear to bend....
My condolences, thoughts and love to you all at this awful time
xxxx
So sorry, I've tried to stop myself :uhoh:
But just can't resist :cool:
Such a bad thread title poke
ALICE??
Who the F**k is Alice??

:bounce: :bounce: :bounce:
I know I could still get totally carried away with certain threads, would love to, but just don't get the time to be able to stick with em these days sad so tend to only contribute to threads that I feel I won't be like a dog with a bone and can't leave alone!
Hopefully I'll eventually get more time to play on here soon!
Been some cracking threads - reading back over the ones already mentioned has been brill :lol2:
Whenever favourite thread is mentioned, I always think of this one. I can't read it enough times lol
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/8131.html
Quote by splendid_
I don't do it. I can say cock and sometimes cunt. I also say cum I will say fuck too. I am getting better at putting it all together in a suggestive way but it is a struggle.

Especially if they say pardon, what did you just say, and want you to repeat it :shock:
No can do! :uhoh: