Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
ooer
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 53
Straight Female
0 miles · Greater Manchester

Forum

Quote by The Shadow
You need to get out more!!!

Am I right in thinking you're the guy with the broken electric gates??. The same guy who is on first name terms with the van drivers from the booze brothers??. The chap who ordered all his christmas gifts over the internet??.
I need to get out more?? rotflmao :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Quote by hornyred and dino
Where the hell did you dig that lot up from???? biggrin rotflmao :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

i have too much time on my hands
Quote by da69ve
You just had to go and ruin it for me! icon_

this isn't my personal belief just an alternative theory but ya gotta admit it's a good argument against the existence of santa
Quote by freckledbird
so is it safe to say that you don't believe in Santa then, Ian?

no not at all. i truly believe that the realms of fantasy are the ultimate place to be. i also think that wewantu2 have it all summed up perfectly lol
Santa Facts
No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organism yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer, which only Santa has ever seen.
There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. But since Santa doesn't (appear to) handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - or 378 million according to the Population Reference Bureau. At an average (cencus) rate of 3.5 children per household, that is 91.8 millions homes. One presumes there's at least one "good" child in each.
Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels East to West (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each one of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around thwe earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but for the purpose of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75 and a half million miles, NOT counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding etc. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3000 times the speed of sound. For purpose of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego Set (2 lbs), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On landing, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 330 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point 1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine reindeer. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload, not even counting the weight of the sleigh, to 353,430 tons! Again for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth!
353,430 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as space craft re-entering the earths atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of enery ... per second ... EACH! In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and creating deafening Sonic Booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vapourized within thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subject to centrifugal forces 17, times greater than gravity. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrosly slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve ...
he's dead now :-)
The buzz feelin' and mi spliff....both by UB40 and featured on the album baggariddim.
Well worth a listen if you're in the right mood wink
Thank fuck you're back....thought it was something i said, one min we're chattin and the next you're gone....Welcome back biggrin
Quote by red_931
ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!! I'm sat waiting to go out and Iain won't stop thinkin about which friggin condom is the fake!! lol Ice pie i could kill ya!! evil

Don't worry honey we can go out now coz I think I got it all worked out.
How's this theory Icepie, does it stand up to examination??
Divide condoms into groups of 9 and 3
Further divide group of 9 into 3 groups of 3 and mark them A B C
Divide group of 3 into single condoms marked a b c
Weigh Aa against Bb then Aa against Cb
If Aa and Bb and Aa and Cb balance then fake condom is c and it's weight will be known when it's measured against either a or b
If Aa and Bb balance but Aa and Cb imbalance then fake is in group C and because we already know that Aa and Bb balance then the weight of the fake can be determined by the direction of the imbalance so if Cb outweighs Aa then fake is heavier so by weighing 2 of the 3 in C against each other the fake can be determined by either the 2 condoms balancing in which case the fake is the condom left over or in the case of imbalance then the heavier condom is the fake.
TA-DAAAAAAAAA
Congratulations......at this rate I'll be hitting 300 round about next march rolleyes
Sorry to keep you all in suspense. There's no easy way to say this so I'll get straight to the point...we bottled it. Got as far as a pub about half a mile from the place but after a drink and a chat we decided to go for a meal and talk things through. Seems we're both cowards and we need our hands holding whilst we get through the door so we're gonna spend this week trying to find a nice, understanding couple to come in with us.
Sorry we didn't have more to tell you but we aint giving up so am sure pretty soon we'll break our duck and get over the threshold. Tell ya what though we're feeling a bit sheepish now but it's better than the abject terror we felt last night, still, the meal was good so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Thankyou all very muchly. I can type much better now my hands have stopped shaking. I guess i'm just feeling nervously excited now although I fully expect my earlier feelings to return when we're walking through the door of the club but....nothing ventured nothing gained. Just wish I'd bought that vibrating tongue stud i was looking at last week just in case.
Anyways, thanks for the advice, links and pm's, all much needed and very welcomed. I'll update this thread tomorrow and let ya know how it went.
I need certifying and I need it now.
Decided to go to cupids tonight for our 1st ever club visit.
Nuff said I think.
O.M.G.... I can't believe we're doing this. We're going to cupids tonight, it's our 1st time ever in a club and we have only a vague idea of what to expect. It was a spur of the moment decision to go after reading a post in LMU but now we've decided to go we're not gonna bottle it(least not til we're on the carpark outside anyways confused ).
Right at this moment in time I'm cackin' it. I'd rather be jumping out of an aeroplane than doing this as it seems less daunting...and Lisa....well she's just worried about what to wear, anyone would think she does this every week. It feels like a driving test, 1st date, new job, sky diving, etc all rolled into one and I don't mind admitting I'm just a little bit scared. I absolutely cannot wait for tomorrow cos at least then it'll be over and we'll either be ready to go again or all my fears will have been confirmed. Dunno if it's normal to feel this way cos I'm not usually the nervous type so if anyone has any words of comfort I'll be around the forum for the next couple of hours with my tension levels increasing rapidly.
Right, think it's time I headed over to the certification thread to get my badge cos I fookin need certifying for even thinkin' about doing this. bolt
just checked mine and it's working fine, however, i have had a busy server message a few times this week
Quote by Alexandra
He's after someone to finish painting his fence Iain! rolleyes

erm.........we're moving soon...a long long way away :roll:
I regularly see a car around town which bears the registration poo4fun...maybe one time i'll go ask em what it's all about....not sure i wanna know the answer tho'
Quote by Sgt Bilko
Almost every day, while I am working, it crosses my mind that I could be talking to someone form this site. I then began wondering which member of this site lives the closest to me. :shock: :shock: :shock:
So there is only one way to find out - by posting on here and asking !! confused :? :?
So, I live in Gatley, near Stockport. Who lives the nearest to me??? dunno
If you don't feel comfortable posting where you live on here then feel free to PM me!! wink

Well we live in Oldham(we being myself and red_391)...according to the routefinder it's almost 14 miles from here to there so not a mega distance.
BTW...is there a prize(or a forfeit) for being the closest??
Hiya, Vicky and Stuart smile
Welcome to heaven....hope you have as much fun as we're having
Quote by redstilletto
i just got munch depression
coz i could'nt go

same here...we weren't eligible for the notts munch and the wigan mini munch falls on the same day as lisa's works christmas party :cry: :cry:
Quote by tallnhairy
Sorry another question, was it expensive, and any Do's / Don'ts ??? (Thinking of doing this)

we went to bury this morning and the shop there was asking £45 to do the piercing and also to replace the bar in a weeks time once it had healed....we came back to oldham and the place we have our tattoo's done at charged us £20 each so it was kinda 2 for 1 compared to prices in bury....as for do's and dont's i think lisa will tell you don't believe me when i say it doesn't hurt :twisted: :twisted:
Quote by midlandsman1970
Just think no oral in this relationship for a while biggrin

WRONG!!!!....we're just gonna go meet people who haven't had their tongues recently pierced...we may not be able to give it but we can sure as hell take it :D :D :D
Quote by tallnhairy
Out of interest (much sympathy red for current pain) how good is a tongue piercing longer term?? From male or female perspective, I seen them around but never been with anyone who had them.

we had ours done because we both had the experience of going with other people with pierced tongue's...awesome feeling...absolutely awesome
i'm outta here too.....
if i don't get some work done around this place my wife is gonna put me on a ban
we're a couple tho' lisa(red_931) has only made the grand total of 1 post so far just to say hi to everyone...watch out coz once she gets started there's no keeping her quiet
Quote by sexyann57
lol :lol: :lol: There,s some good ones so far !!! friends of ours wanted the theme from robin hood prince of theives ( Everything i do i do for you ) but the vicar had,nt a clue and played the old one ... Robin hood riding through the glenn !!! :lol: can you imagine the faces of everyone :shock: the bride started crying :lol: :lol:

rotflmao :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
tainted love by soft cell...seems to be in keeping with the way the thread is going right now
was about 2 weeks ago when i made my debut...i got a spanking for my 50th post :twisted: ....twas most excellent
a good vodka session with a bunch of friends...get drunk and set the world to rights...works every time and if someone was to bring along a good smoke as well then so much the better
am just so depressed ya know...every other thread today has been someone else leaving....finks am gonna cry :upset: .....lots...
good luck with ya uni alex.....hurry back....please
Quote by redstilletto
make a pond and call it freddy

sooooooo if the ponds called freddy....what's the frog called?? lol :lol: :lol:
ello and :welcome:
hehehe...1 more to the post count
thinks i'll take this opportunity to add 1 to my post count and congratulate you on yours....keep posting prags coz am catchin up fast
Roger....I see in your quest to achieve the 'ultimate' specimen you neglected to do your homework...apparently this kind of genetic modification has side effects...at this moment in time there is no known cure should you start to develop these symptons
ok tis done....shame really....i was kinda becoming attached to those marbles